


the darkness must be present

by Roxie Ann (pluvial_poetry)



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Gen, Yuletide 2014
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-25
Updated: 2014-11-25
Packaged: 2018-02-27 00:13:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2671709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pluvial_poetry/pseuds/Roxie%20Ann
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sarah's first instinct is to run and hide.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the darkness must be present

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jonesandashes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jonesandashes/gifts).



They get halfway through the building when they hear footsteps behind them. A security guard or someone working late. Her first instinct is to run and hide.

Not a bright idea maybe, but what else is new?

*

The half light is almost worse than the dark. The way the shadows grow and shift and take shape. The way her eyes start to play tricks on her, and she starts to think she sees things when she can't. Sarah tilts her head back, bangs it against the wall. The overhead light is bright enough to sting her eyes, but she doesn't close them. She keeps both eyes open. Habit maybe. She's always had to. 

She looks across the room to Helena then. She's hunched down in the corner, her hair falling in her face. Seems almost normal for the time being. Or at least as close to it as she's going to get. There's still something in the tilt of her head. The way she hasn't taken her eyes off of Sarah the entire time they've been locked in this bloody storage closet together. Sarah lets her head fall back again. "Don't just stare at me, weirdo."

She hears Helena shuffle closer, hears her take in a deep breath, and then she sings: "A-B-C, easy as doe re me, A-B-C, easy as 1-2-3--"

Sarah's hand flings out, claps over Helena's mouth. "Oh my god, Helena, no more singing-- Let's just sit here. Quietly. Until Felix gets here and lets us out."

"We could play a game!" Helena says from behind Sarah's hand. She licks Sarah's palm before Sarah can stop her. Sarah moves away, wiping Helena's spit off on her jeans.

"Gross," Sarah says, but she laughs a little despite herself. "What, like truth or dare? I don't think so."

Helena gives her a shrug and sly look from under her mess of hair. "A-B-C, easy as 1-2-3, baby, you and me--"

"Okay, okay! Fine," Sarah agrees, looking over at the locked door, grateful that she doesn't hear footsteps. "We can't even do dares, so just truths, right?"

Helena nods eagerly.

"What's your favorite food then?"

"Muffins. And doughnuts."

"I could have guessed," Sarah says under her breath. "Your turn. Ask me a question."

"What songs do you like?"

Sarah has to think for a second. "Oh, uh, I dunno. I guess I always liked The Clash."

*

Even Helena wears out on the game eventually. Felix should have been there by now to rescue them, but there's no way Mrs. S let him out of the house without making sure that whatever mess Sarah was in now wouldn't fall back on Kira. Everyone wanted to protect Kira, but Sarah had to. That little girl was the one bright spot in her whole world, and there was no way she was going to let some file in a doctor's office ruin that. She was going to make sure that Kira didn't have to spend the rest of her life looking over her shoulder the way that Sarah would.

"What are you thinking of?" Helena asks suddenly.

"Kira."

She doesn't mean to flinch when Helena lurches forward, her face inches from Sarah's. Instinct, again. 

"Are you afraid of me?" 

Helena is watching her so carefully. Sarah couldn't lie if she wanted to. "I don't know. Sometimes."

That was part of the reason why she brought Helena with her instead of Felix or Alison. Because she was dangerous, and capable of anything. Fighting fire with fire, right? To protect Kira, to keep her safe.

"You're afraid because I hurt people?" Helena's curled in on herself. It reminds Sarah of the way that Kira sits when she's nervous or scared.

Helena's killed people. Someone that Sarah cared about. She would have done the same to Alison or Cosima, to Sarah, if she'd had the chance. Helena was more nightmare than person, once. A nightmare with angel wings. Sarah hasn't forgotten. She never will. 

But most of the time Sarah can look at her and see a scared, silly girl. One of her sisters. Someone who was worth comforting and protecting. She leans in, and Helena meets her halfway, their foreheads almost touching.

"I've hurt people, Helena. Really hurt them. Destroyed their lives maybe. And that's strangers. I've done worse to people who've loved me."

To Kira.

"You're like me," Helena whispers. And Sarah, looking at herself in harsh light, can't disagree. The wounds that she's given to her family, her daughter would never heal. Kira would never be able to forget all the times Sarah had left her. All the times she'd lied. 

"So why are you scared?"

Sarah shakes her head, wipes away a tear that starts to roll down her cheek. She doesn't want to feel like this. She wishes she could turn it off. The animal fear of feeling a storm rolling in. Nothing she can do to stop it. She doesn't know how to describe it, doesn't know if Helena would understand even if she could put it into words. She's just as scared of herself as she ever was of Helena.

"When you make shadowpuppets, and sing old songs, and slurp your jello. When I see you how you are with Kira." Sarah looks over, and meets Helena's eyes. "I'm not scared of you then."

The door rattles. Helena shoots a quick look at Sarah, scuttling back into the shadows. Sarah stands. There's no place for her to hide this time. 

It's Felix who opens the door though, sagging against it when he sees Sarah. "Hey. You two all right?"

"Yeah, we're fine." Sarah says with a grin. She grabs him in a hug, sighing with relief, as he grabs her just as tight.

He peeks over the top of her head, considering the storage closet carefully. "One of the nicer places you've been locked up in."

"Yeah, fuck you too, Fe. Thank you. C'mon, meathead," Sarah says, turning and offering a hand down to Helena. "Let's get this file and go home." 

The light hits Helena just right as she stands, and her eyes are shining. "Yes, sestra. Home."


End file.
